Optical Illusions – by Vince Borg

 

In the darkened room the cloaked magician
holds a round glass in each hand.
He gently lowers them for the man to peer at
obscure symbols hanging in the cloudy distance.
A veil descends and covers an orb.
With a sly twist of the wrist
balls suddenly appear and disappear.
Red and green, circles playing in the light
coming in and out of view.
The magic continues in the gaze of disbelieving eyes.
Bright stars appear from nowhere,
puffs of wind, all moving on courses determined
by the seer’s wand, tricking the man to perceiving
the world as an optical illusion.
Finally, the man utters in dismay, as all is revealed.
‘F – C – U – K – M – E’,
reading for the first time the letters on the lowest line,
as the optician begins to write his prescription.

 

 

Vince is a retired Maths teacher. His family has lived in North Leeds and enjoyed the Yorkshire countryside for over 40 years. He performed in open-mic at Wicked Words in Seven Arts, Chapel Allerton, for many years, and produced an unpublished anthology Running Down the Up One in 2012.

Dotting ‘i’s and Crossing ‘t’s: Pedantry Personified – by Vince Borg

 

He rolls his eyes and tongues his tease,
Our watchful pedant who’s ill at ease
When an aitch is dropped or a guttural stop
Mushes ‘p’s and ‘q’s to a verbal slop.

He abhors the missing apostrophe,
‘Tut-tut’s the grocers who give one free.
Recoils when he types a web domain
With no capital letters…it’s not the same.

He turns his head when he hears the rustle
Of a toffee wrap as the Macbeths tussle.
He sets the tone of his theatre box
Finetunes disgust with disdaining looks.

The pedant picks paper from pavement and path.
Alludes to alliterates, relishes wrath.
He doesn’t avoid a challenging scene
Where a less picky person might not intervene.

The pedant in science never relents.
He spots a smudge that changes events.
Hears white noise on a TV set,
Proposes theories, while hedging his bet.

The pedant in law would have us believe
That truth is his pigeon, like tricks up his sleeve.
He makes a fine point with case history of old,
Advocates mildly that lead’s really gold.

The pedant, of course, may well be a she,
Who welcomes pedantic precision with glee.
Most pedants enduring love’s tortuous embrace
Will travel the earth for their loves, face to face.

They’ll sail away for a year and a day,
As they strive for clear meaning in word, work and play.
They have found their true love, these charmed OCDs,
Through the doting of eyes and the crossing of seas.

 

 

 

Vince is a retired Maths teacher. His family has lived in North Leeds and enjoyed the Yorkshire countryside for over 40 years. He performed in open-mic at Wicked Words in Seven Arts, Chapel Allerton, for many years, and produced an unpublished anthology Running Down the Up One in 2012.

Lord, will my phone be saved too? – by Vince Borg

 

Lord, when my time is up, will I be saved…
And will my phone be saved too?
It’s just that I rely on it so much
And I would hate to be without it,
Even in eternity.
I lost it once, and I was really upset..
All my contacts gone, my photos,
All my messages from friends and relatives,
My Facebook, twitter and What’s App
All disappeared off the face of the Earth.
I know it was lucky that
I’d backed everything up.
But still it was a scare
Not being able to hold
It in my hands.
It gave me a feeling of deep unease.
So please Lord,
When my time is up,
Will my smartphone be saved too?

No, my child, there will be no need.
In fact there will be no need for you
To attend in person either.
Where did you think your data
Was going when you saved it in the Cloud?
No my child, I will already have what I need
To make a judgement.
Your SIM is in my hands,
Metaphorically speaking of course.
When the time comes
I’ll give you a call.

Pick up, won’t you.

 

 

 

Vince is a retired Maths teacher. His family has lived in North Leeds and enjoyed the Yorkshire countryside for over 40 years. He performed in open-mic at Wicked Words in Seven Arts, Chapel Allerton, for many years, and produced an unpublished anthology ‘Running Down the Up One‘ in 2012.