Little Plum likes his firewater.
Desperate Dan has diabetes.
Dennis the Menace lived fast,
died young. Walter the Softy
won the Forward prize for poetry.

Hoots! Minnie the Minx is now
Scotland’s first minister.
Bash Street School’s an academy.
Plug lost both legs in Afghanistan.
Teacher leads the Labour party.

Crikey! Snooty shot himself in the foot.
Colonel Blink took over at Ukip.
Oops! Aunt Aggie’s
in a care home, her cow pies
banned by health and safety.

Wammo! Beryl the Peril
got a job in Brussels,
Roger couldn’t dodge
historic sex offences.
Satire’s no laughing matter;
why can’t life still be hilarious?

Greg Freeman is a former newspaper sub-editor, and now news editor at the poetry website Write Out Loud. His debut pamphlet collection Trainspotters was published by Indigo Dreams in 2015.